Mr. Bigfoot,
I have been struggling with shaving, recently. I find that I’m having trouble getting a proper shave– I’m either feeling stubbley after an hour or two, cutting myself in various locations, missing spots, or left with my face feeling so sore that a stiff breeze causes me to wince. I’ve tried single bladed razors (the disposable kind), safety razors, even the 12-bladed monstrosities that Shillete (or is it Glick) are pushing.
A well-groomed sasquatch about town such as yourself must have some tips for a struggling young metrosexual. Please help me!
Fuzzy
Dear Fuzzy,
A 12-bladed razor? What is this, January? Razors have evolved and you should too. The Warp-13 Fusion has a baker’s dozen blades and enough cutting power to literally take that smirk off your face.
Fairdale Bigfoot,
My day job has got me really fed up. I’ve got an idea for a business that I could do over the internet, and I’ve done a little bit of research on suppliers. The good news is that I get to keep my clothes on the whole time, but the bad news is that my product would be fairly easy to duplicate, and I’m afraid that someone else will come along and eat my lunch, so to speak. On top of that, my roommate’s cat has been spending a lot of time watching me as I plan and I think that cat is going to steal my idea before I can get it to market. Do you like cats?
Fearing Felonious Felines
Dear FFF,
First, Fairdale Bigfoot has a few questions.
Do you not get to keep your clothes on at your day job? Is it a requirement or a perk?
Your business isn’t selling 14-blade razors is it? Fairdale Bigfoot is already working on that one.
Now, to address your concerns…
First, if you work from home, it’s unlikely someone will eat your lunch, since you will no longer be sharing a breakroom or kitchenette, and your food will be safe. Unless you’re eating cat food, but if you’re doing that, then you’re eating the cat’s lunch, and accusing others of doing that to you is like the cat food-filled pot calling the cat-food filled kettle full of a cat food.
It seems like you have three options here. The first is to give up and wait for someone else to come up with your idea. You won’t get rich doing this, but you can brag to strangers that you originally had the idea for the double-breasted ShamWow blazer.
The second option is to sell your idea to someone with the time, money and cat-free home necessary to bring it to fruition. Once you get your cut of the loot, you can spend it fighting your business partner in court for his share.
The final option is to get your face out of the cat food and into the business world. Go online and start your business in your time after work. Nobody said getting rich would be easy.
By the way, can Fairdale Bigfoot ask what your idea is? The wildlife here in the forest have been using social networks a lot, and Fairdale Bigfoot had an idea for one. It’s a way to connect to your friends and to make new friends. You see, it works on the simple principle that…oh to heck with it. Fairdale Bigfoot was going to make a joke about inventing Friendster, but no one knows what Friendster is anymore, and Fairdale Bigfoot doesn’t feel like giving a history lesson.
Sincerely,
Fairdale Bigfoot
March 25, 2010
Fairdale Bigfoot