Dear Fairdale Bigfoot,

Southend Student

Dear SS,

Is the mythical woodland ape-man creature you’re using as a scapegoat the Yeti? Fairdale Bigfoot hates the Yeti. One time, Yeti came to Fairdale Bigfoot’s house and was an absolute boor. He made the dinner guests read chapters of his novel. He helped himself to everyone’s brandy alexander and washed it down with Fairdale Bigfoot’s last bit of bourbon. The last straw was when the Yeti favorited videos under Fairdale Bigfoot’s YouTube account. Fairdale Bigfoot does not like Rick Astley videos and Fairdale Bigfoot does not like the Yeti.
   
But wait…the Yeti is real. Fairdale Bigfoot doesn’t know of any mythical woodland ape-man creatures. Was that your homework in the binder Fairdale Bigfoot found in the woods? If so, Fairdale Bigfoot did you a favor. You do not understand Catcher In The Rye at all.
   
But your letter betrays an ability to form proper sentences, so that couldn’t have been your homework Fairdale Bigfoot ate. Perhaps you didn’t do your homework. Blaming Fairdale Bigfoot may work with your human teacher, but the excuse you give to yourself should be better. Did you do something worthwhile with your homework time? Did you meet a human friend or lover? Did you read a worthwhile book, have an adventure or see a film?
   
Next time you decide to skip out on your homework, try making sure you learn something outside of the classroom. Just don’t do your studying in Jefferson Memorial Forest…Fairdale Bigfoot may still be in trouble with Professor Crabtree for eating your homework.

Dear Fairdale Bigfoot,

Sincerely,
Get A Bigger Ego

Dear GABE,
   
Perhaps your problem is the opposite; you attach too much meaning to praise. Your friends mean to compliment a particular skill or deed. It’s not their intent or duty to fix your inferiority complex.
   
Of course, Fairdale Bigfoot hates pop psychology, so it’s possible the praise is undeserved and you actually do suck.

Sincerely,
Fairdale Bigfoot

Got a question for Fairdale Bigfoot? Send questions to fairdalebigfoot@gmail.com or ask away via Twitter: @fairdalebigfoot.