Dear Fairdale Bigfoot,

Sweating In St. Matthews

Dear Sweating,

Oh, it’s hot, is it? Fairdale Bigfoot didn’t notice, what with the 40 pounds of thick brown fur covering his body and all.

So you have to wear a jacket and tie? Do you work for NASA in the 1960s?

Fairdale Bigfoot suggests you look into a seersucker or linen suit. (Though it’s best to avoid a Lenin suit if you work in a capitalist institution.) In fact, every summer around this time, Fairdale Bigfoot gets so frustrated with the heat that he begins to shed. Well, Fairdale Bigfoot either sheds because of the heat or because of this perpetual social anxiety (you humans like Fairdale Bigfoot, right? RIGHT?)

Anyway, the point is, Fairdale Bigfoot is naked by the end of July. So what does he do? He dusts off his old white linen suit and pours a tall mint julep. And it’s too hot for the regular forest lurking, so Fairdale Bigfoot sets his mind to the page. Fairdale Bigfoot writes gabby stories about his socialite friends and their problems, occasionally taking a break to write about astronauts or beatniks.

Okay, fine. By now you’ve probably connected all the dots. Fairdale Bigfoot is actually Tom Wolfe.

Sincerely,
Tom Wolfe

P.S. Fairdale Bigfoot’s advisors (the Masons) say the young people “don’t care” about Tom Wolfe or other “old guys” who “dress funny.” They suggest Fairdale Bigfoot do more about that linen/Lenin joke in the third paragraph. For those who think young Fairdale Bigfoot presents this advice for Sweating in St. Matthews:

Fairdale Bigfoot suggests you wear a linen suit to stay cool, and a Lenin suit if you Trotsky out into the midday sun.

Happy now?!

Scary movies, well, scare me so I don’t watch a lot of them. However I know for lots of people there is nothing better than being scared out of their minds by a movie. If you fall into that camp you won’t want to miss the 6th Annual FrightNight Film Fest this weekend. The guest of honor at the festival will be legendary film producer Roger Corman.

SMC Louisville had an event at Patrick O’Shea’s last week and it was the first time I’d been in the downtown pub. It’s gorgeous, really a beautiful building and great atmosphere. That’s not why I’m writing though. I’m writing because as I was leaving an impressive display of Republic of Tea canisters behind the bar caught my eye. Being the partner of someone who loves hot tea I can tell you that many, many places that are not specifically tea focused have very limited tea selections (both limited in variety of tea and in quality) so I’m really impressed that a place whose lifeblood is (I presume) beer has seen fit to also provide a really good selection for tea drinking folks. It’s just one of those seemingly little details that makes good places stand out.

Good on you Patrick O’Shea’s I’ma bring my tea loving girl there for food sometime very soon.

Consuming Louisville’s Carnivorous Correspondent Jay Garmon gives us the inside scoop on Louisville’s sci-fi convention in his occasional column “ConGlomeration Chronicles.”

As part of our continuing series on unraveling the mystery that is ConGlomeration, Louisville’s local science fiction convention, we answer the question: Just what the heck actually happens at a science fiction convention?

This is a bit like asking what happens during a Broadway show: The general idea never changes, but individual productions and performances can vary wildly. And like Broadway, sci-fi cons have a great deal to offer a wide variety of fans, from casual to devout.

The anatomy of a science fiction convention, as only Wikipedia could unironically describe it, usually consists of seven key elements:

• The Guests of Honor

• Programming
• Dealer’s Room
• Art Show
• Game Room
• Masquerade
• The Con Suite

While not every sci-fi con includes all of these attributes, this list accurately describes the vast majority of most conventions, including ConGlomeration.

The Guests of Honor, also known as GoHs (pronounced like goes) are the individuals that the convention’s organizing committee (known as the ConComm) has specifically invited to appear and participate. Guests of Honor are usually noted performers and professionals within science fiction, fantasy, and horror media. Most conventions will have multiple GoHs covering a wide spectrum of media, such as an Author Guest of Honor, an Artist Guest of Honor, a Filmmaker Guest of Honor, and so on. ConGlomeration invite two to three guests of honor annually, with at least one Artist Guest of honor every year. Past GoHs for ConGlomeration include Walter Koenig, Harry Turtledove, Ben Bova, and Boris & Julie Vallejo.

Programming, also known as panels, are the group discussions and activities that dominate most conventions. Typically guests of honor and other convention attendees will form panels to lecture, lead discussions, or field questions around an interesting science, media, or speculative fiction topic. Panel topics might be as esoteric as “Military Science fiction: Can you write it if you’ve never served?” or “The Bechdel Test: Is modern vampire fiction inherently misogynistic?” to flat out fan-service or snark like “When did Star Trek jump the shark?” Or “The cult of Joss Whedon”. Here’s the programming pocket guide for ConGlomeration 2010, which gives a snapshot of the volume and variety of programming at a moderately typical small convention. Stay tuned for information about ConGlomeration 2011 programming, as we have some crazy and unorthodox plans that might just involve you.

The Dealer’s Room, also known affectionately as the huckster’s room, is an exhibition of booths or tables where specialized dealers sell goods designed to appeal to sci-fi/fantasy and horror fans. The dealer’s room is almost always dominated by books, usually of out-of-print and/or used fiction, comics and gaming sourcebooks. T-shirts, costumes, collectables and craft items are also regularly sold in the dealer’s room. Local artists, crafters and (for better or for worse) self-published writers and musicians are encouraged to rent dealer space and ply their wares at local conventions. Think of it as a live-action version of eBay, Etsy and DeviantArt crossed with the nerdiest flea-market on earth — only more awesome. Local artists, we want you at ConGlomeration. Give us a shout.

The Art Show is just what it sounds like: an ad hoc gallery exhibition of genre artists — usually painters but often sculptors, woodcarvers, glass artists and textile crafters — that focus on speculative fiction topics. This can range from the classic knight versus dragon charcoal sketches to fine stoneware that just happens to include subtle elvish inscriptions, and every permutation in between. Most convention art shows offer juried awards, which attract professional artists with works high above the caliber many associate with science fiction fandom. Book cover artists or illustrators are typical Artist Guests of Honor, and they often participate as show judges or as competing artists. In many cases, the works displayed are available for auction or purchase, and many art shows (ConGlomeration included) run an on-site print show for being replica prints of juried paintings or ilustrations. ConGlomeration is also notable for having custom award trophies sculpted each year. We said it before but it bear repeating: Local artists, we want you at ConGlomeration. Give us a shout.

The Game Room is space dedicated to playing tabletop or computer games, particularly those that appeal to fanboys. Dungeons & Dragons games, elaborate boardgames such as Risk 2210, miniature wargames such as Warhammer 40K, or collectible card games like Magic: The Gathering are typical staples of convention games. Game tournaments may be conducted in the game room, with prizes awarded to champions. In the case of ConGlomeration, the game room is the nerve center of the con, as it is open 24 hours and provides a free-form activity that appeals to a wide cross-section of fans. If you want to run a game (or five) at ConGlomeration 2011, let us know.

The Masquerade is a beloved and notorious hallmark of many conventions; it is essentially a costume contest where fans dress up as their favorite fictional and/or historical characters and compete on the basis of audacity and accuracy. Masquerade often include skit performances to win the heart of the judges or the audience. Those guys dressed as Klingons hitting on the girls dressed as slave Leia? They’re usually part of the Masquerade. Don’t let the stereotypes fool you, though, as nobody throws a better party at ConGlomeration than the gang dressed as Ghostbusters.

The Con Suite, known formally as the hospitality suite, is an area where free or cheap snacks and drinks are provided for convention attendees. Where there’s food there’s people, and as such the con suite is the social center of most cons. Where possible, the con suite provides ample room to sit, talk, trade stories, watch movies, and play cards. Attendees often bring in homebaked goods and homebrewed drinks to enhance the typical selection of finger foods. In an ideal world, local restaurants, delis, bakeries, and grocers donate or discount their wares to the con suite in hopes of cheaply buying the loyalty of attendees. (This will work! Nerds are exceeding easy to bribe with food. Interested foodies should contact ConGlomeration.)

Those are the high spots at most conventions, but of course each convention is different. If you have general sci-fi convention questions, or specific inquiries about ConGlomeration, let’s share with the whole class and post in the comments below.

Coca-Cola is running a contest to give away a $200,000 grant to a state or national park. The Louisville Dog Run folks would appreciate your support for E.P. “Tom” Sawyer State Park. Go on, help them win a grant! Consuming Louisville loves dogs and parks with dog runs.

As most of you are aware, E.P. “Tom” Sawyer State Park was the first place in Louisville to welcome the LDRA and they have been home to the Sawyer Dog Park since 2004. Due to budget cuts across the state, Sawyer State Park doesn’t get nearly the funding that it deserves, but now there is a small way we can try to help out.

Coca-Cola has launced a website called Live Positively, www.livepositively.com, and part of the efforts is asking people to vote for their favorite state or national park. E.P. “Tom” Sawyer State Park is one of the parks on the list. The park that wins the competition will receive a $200,000 grant from Coca-Cola.

So in September Frazier Museum is trying to set the Guinness World Record for the largest pirate gathering. To make sure you’re aware of that fact and excited for it they’re going to spend today “pirating the city.” They’re going to turn this town upside down with eye patches. I for one welcome our pirate overlords.

Pirates from the Frazier Museum’s “Pirates: Treasure & Treachery” exhibit are “pirating the city” by placing eye patches throughout downtown and the Highlands neighborhood. All this mischief and skullduggery is to remind the community about their attempt to break the Guinness World Record for the largest pirate gathering on Saturday, September 4. Instructions for dressing like a pirate to help break the record are available online at www.fraziermuseum.org.

They’re shooting for upgrading the looks of all the statues downtown but ‘”some of them are more challenging than others in terms of putting the eye patch on” so they might miss one or two. And just so you know that’s my favorite quote ever given for a Consuming Louisville post.

Other locations they’re hoping to eye patchify

• Gallopalooza horses all over downtown

• Penguins at 21C Museum Hotel – 700 W. Main Street
• Colonel Sanders statue at the Louisville Convention & Visitors Bureau – 301 S. Fourth Street
• Why Louisville Bearwolf
• Baxter Avenue Theater movie posters
• Daniel Boone, Pan, and the dragon at Cherokee Park
• Gorilla statue at the zoo
• St. Robert Bellarmine at Bellarmine
• Knight Statue at Bellarmine
• Frisch’s “Big Boy”
• Nitty Gritty’s mannequins
• Lynn’s Paradise concrete animals

21c is running one heck of a good deal for a Sunday or Thursday night stay. You know when my beloved’s relatives come to town next month I think they might need some private family time with B so I might need to stay at 21c at least on the Sunday night of their visit. Yeah, that’s the perfect plan.

Have a case of the Summertime Blues? You need a dose of the Red Penguins!

So we know you aren’t really sick – but that can be our little secret. Start your weekend early (or end it late) by simply placing two little phone calls.

Step 1) Call your boss and let ‘em know you’ll be needing a personal day.

Step 2) Call 21c at 502.217.6300 and, FOR A LIMITED TIME, mention “FEVER” for a Thursday and Sunday night rate of just $149* that is sure to cure your ills – imagined or real. After all, you deserve a little R&R.

Lingering symptoms?
Whether you need a massage in the 21c Spa, a round of Bourbon at Proof on Main or a special 21c Treat, we’ve got what it takes to make you feel better.

(*Offer valid through July 31st for Thursday and Sunday stays through August 29th. Subject to availability. Offer is not applicable to negotiated rates, third party bookings, or groups, and is not valid with other offers or prior reservations.)

I was almost 6 years old when E.T. came out so I was in the prime demographic yet I don’t think my parents took me to see it. Bad parents, bad! Kidding, mostly. That’s just my explanation for why I don’t think I’ve ever seen this movie all the way through. If you want to see it all you can do it tonight for free at Iroquois Amphitheater because Metro Parks loves you.

Monday July 26
Monday Movie – E.T.
Free. 8:30 p.m.

By Ashlee Clark

I’m a food rebel.

Since I’m a grown up, I have adopted eating habits that would make my mother shake like the top of her pressure cooker.

I eat cereal for dinner. I don’t always clean my plate. My voracious appetite leads to lots of crumbs around my mouth and stains on my pants.

And for this week’s $10 Challenge, I ate dessert first.

I spent a rainy evening soaking up authentic Asian cuisine at Vietnam Kitchen in the south end of Louisville. I had missed an opportunity to eat here when my buddy Keith came in town, and he suggested it as a subject for blog. I happily took the opportunity to further my exploration of this area of town, which is rich with diverse cultures and, therefore, food.

Vietnam Kitchen sits in an unassuming storefront next to the ValuMarket grocery store in the Iroquois Manor Shopping Center. It would have been easy to miss had it not been for the steady stream of hipsters headed through the doors (as a pseudo-hipster, I can identify my own – snazzy glasses, skinny jeans, iPhones, etc.). A quick Google search shows that folks from across the city have discovered and fell in love with this modest south-end gem. On a Monday night, the place was gradually filled with large groups, couples and families.

I skimmed the large menu until I found the item I was searching for — the avocado milkshake. This dessert was mentioned in an UrbanSpoon review, and the name alone made my mouth water (remember how much I love avocados?). I was so excited that I ordered the shake as an appetizer before I started to look at the entrees.

To help meet my $10 criteria, my boyfriend and I agreed to split the $3.10 milkshake. Too bad he wasn’t prepared for me to like the milkshake as much as I did, because it was definitely an uneven split. The shake was creamy and rich, but not as sweet as most conventional milkshakes. The avocado flavor was so subtle that I didn’t even think about guacamole while I gulped down the shake. I annihilated that drink, so I decided to pay for it myself. Fortunately, the BF got his own appetizer, a Vietnamese pancake folded like an omelet and filled with shrimp, sprouts and onions called bánh xèo ($6).

My appetizer/dessert (dappetizer?) geared me up to pour through the rest of the menu. Most of the dishes, which ranged from traditional Vietnamese soups to Americanized meals like chicken and broccoli, fell right under the $10 mark. Unfortunately, some of the items that caught my eye, such as the cá bong lau kho tộ (boneless catfish simmered in a clay pot, $9.75) and the ga xao gung* (ginger chicken, $8.75), would put me over my budget.

I wanted to venture out of my comfort zone since it was my first visit to the restaurant, so I consulted with the waiter. He suggested the pho, a noodle soup dish he said is common throughout Vietnam. He spent a few minutes explaining how it takes hours to simmer the broth and how the dish tastes different depending on what meat is included. I went with the basic beef pho (pho bo) for $7.55.

The steamy soup contained a bed of rice noodles at the bottom of the bowl that was topped with tender shavings of beef, slices of white and green onions and fresh basil leaves. I tossed in some bean sprouts that came with the meal, which added some needed crunch. The pho was great for the rainy day — hot and deceptively filling. And when in Vietnam Kitchen, do as the hipsters do — use chopsticks to eat the noodles and beef and a spoon to slurp the broth.

Some quick math at the end of my meal showed that I had gone 65 cents over my budget. But with a to-go box, a fully belly and lingering thoughts of a milkshake, I got more than my money’s worth. And I got to eat like a grown up.

Notes about Vietnam Kitchen:

• The restaurant will be closed Aug. 11-25 while the staff is on vacation.

• They ran out of the day’s special appetizer, steamed vegetable dumplings ($3.15).
• Get there at the beginning of dinner hours to avoid waiting, aka standing awkwardly in front of the entrance (it’s a small establishment without a standard waiting area).

  The Stats:
  Vietnam Kitchen, 5339 Mitscher Avenue, Louisville, Ky.
  Avocado milkshake: $3.10
  Pho bo: $7.55
  Total (with tax and tip): $12
  Mission: Failed (but worth it)

  *I missed a few accent marks. Please forgive me.

  
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Cool new cup for sale at Heine Brothers: essentially a travel mug for your cold beverage needs. As a fan of iced vanilla lattes during the summer I think this is a great idea.

Our newest retail addition is both safe for you and compassionate toward Mother Nature. These BPA-free plastic to-go cups are reusable, sturdy, and are free of harmful chemicals that can leach into your beverage from some man-made materials, like plastic. At only $12.50, they are an affordable way to support your favorite coffee shop and cut back the amount of plastic cups and/or water bottles you use each year.

Image courtesy of Heine Brothers